Wednesday, October 20, 2004

The calm after the storm

Seems like things are shaping up... Phil and I patched things up well... I missed class yesterday to stay in bed with him... We were both really apologetic and now things are fantastic! Last night... While I was studying late, he didn't rush me to come home. When I did come home... The apartment was so clean and he was preparing dinner. He actually ditched Moe to stay in bed with me. It kind of makes me feel guilty for thinking the horrible thoughts that I was and doing the stupid things that I did. Giving the keys to the apartment back would have been the biggest mistake ever... It would be like taking a million steps back from our relationship...
Anyhow... Everything always works out...
now if I could only get past these next two or three days of midterms... grrr

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

I'm a lover not a fighter...

I have my first midterm of the week today in advertising and after much studying, I felt quite positive about it so I went home to hang out with Phil. While he chatted with downstairs and Joe watched TV, I, frustrated, cooked dinner all by myself. If I would have known that Phil and I were not gonna spend time together, or if I would have known he was in a horrible mood, I would have stayed in the library and would have done some much-needed studying. Anyhow... At the end of the night we just kinda got in an argument and then I decided to go sleep on the couch cause I was so fuming that he would even entertain the thought of making me feel guilty about studying. So he said that he wanted the couch... and I said that it wasn't fair, that like always, I should be the one worrying in bed, incapable of sleeping while he' s watching TV and drinking beer (HOW TYPICAL OF BOYS!!!). grrr... Anyhow... I am getting way too mad thinking about it so I would go on any further cause I know, and he knows what was said... But it was the most hurtful shit... I hate it when he said stuff like that. He knows it seeps into my brain and fucks with my emotions. It's so hard to get it out of my brain. I'm still stuck on hurtful things he's said this summer... If you don't mean it don't say it... Sometimes I wonder if they're Freudian slips... In that case...
Anyhow... So although I felt confidant about this exam... The positiveness is quickly evaporating... After a lack of sleep on the couch, crying, and that unnecessary stress I am starting to panic...

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Starry starry night...

I have been having these unexplainable averse effects from stress lately. Last week, after my midterm I decided to take a break from the studying to go to the gym. I was in the midst of a conversation when I started seeing stars and big black dots. With the certainty of falling, I decided to go lie down on the mats for a bit. And then again yesterday, as I was studying for accounting (which seems like a lost cause), I seeing the spots again. So I went to the washroom to splash some water on my face and next thing you know I'm crying... Never again... Never again 5 classes... So I decided to come home to Phil... I let it all out... I cried... He made me a nice tea... We just stayed in bed for a while and relaxed. We had a much needed, romantic evening together. But today... I need to attack my books... Yet once again...