Thursday, August 12, 2004

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to...

My counselor's advice was to start being a little more selfish and to start making things work for me. She made me realize that my family members (namely my mom, sister, and my dad) are on the selfish side. So she said that we have to work on my negotiating and assertiveness skills. So I called my dad yesterday to tell him I was letting him down by leaving for two weeks and wouldn't be able to sit the kids. I was prepared for him to guilt trip me telling me how I am leaving him in a tough situation. Therefore I was totally prepared to work on those negotiating skills (I would tell him that it doesn't matter what he says, I am taking this trip). Basically I had a whole speech planned out for nothing since my dad was really happy for me for taking this trip. Wow... What a surprise I had when I felt absolutely no guilt!!!
Then, my mom calls me last night at 9:30 to tell me that her boss wants me to come into work. So I broke out my negotiating skills and I told her that I would come in on Friday instead since it's my birthday and Kim won't be there (have I mentioned that the jobs they give me are nauseating and narcoleptic provoking???) so I prefer not to work on my birthday... So what???
Besides, what am I suppose to do, drop everything for some filing and photocopying??? Wow... What an emergency! So I explained that to my mom and she started with the guilt trip... Which would normally work on me (I would usually say 'ok, fine, I'll come') but this time... My counselor's words were echoing in my ear... I stuck to my guns and I decided that I didn't want to work. My mom calls me at 12:30 this afternoon and before even wishing me a happy birthday she asks me to come in to the office. She says that I can't just let people down like that (they were supposed to give me a 3 week job but cancelled four days beforehand. Who's letting who down?). She also said that my packing can wait for another time (I am leaving Saturday morning ultra early and I'll be working tomorrow). Then she did the big mistake of bringing my dad in the picture... Wow... And ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!! Now I am sitting here with tears in my eyes... Feeling incredibly guilty... But I wont go to work!!! One step back from a happy relationship with my mother, two steps forward for my sanity! My counselor made a point... So what if they are mad at me???
After that unpleasant conversation with my mom... I don't want her to take me out for dinner. Should I cancel on her???

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Happy Birthday to me (a day in advance)!!!

My apologize Mr blogger for I've been ignoring you... So much is going on...
what I've been up to:
- playing house 5 days last week and two days this week with my two half bros. I am no longer interested in being a mommy. They are absolute monsters. On top of that, that is way too much time spent with my dad.
- finally saw Fahrenheit 9/11! What a brilliant documentary. Very well done... Cried for most of it
- played squash twice this week with Phil: it's great fun!
- had a dinner for my birthday on Monday
- saw my counselor today: something about that room just gets the tears flowing. She always makes me realize how unselfish (in a bad way, I am) and how screwed up my family is (its always easier to blame it on the famiglia)
- worked at my mom's work today: something about that job makes me want to sleep
and last but not least...
Phil and I have planned a two week getaway!!!
Phil has been thinking of quitting his job for a while now... So we decided to be really last minute... He would quit his job and I would put my nanny position on hold and instead of going away for 4 days, we are leaving for 2 weeks. We will be camping the whole time so it may get pretty intense (especially if the weather keeps up like this). I am so excited, I can barely sit still long enough to write this blog! Feels like we have so much to do... All the reservations are made so that's the biggest part. Our plan is to go to Mont Albert (Ste-Anne of something or other) for three nights, four days. Then drive to the Rocher Percer. Stay there four nights, then drive up to Magpie to go sea kayaking!!! I can't wait to spend every second with Phil!!!
My dad took it much better than anticipated... No feelings of guilt! Good for me!