Saturday, July 17, 2004

A good kinda pain

Had a great workout yesterday... I have been back at the gym for a good week and a half now and until yesterday I took it easy. Its hard getting back... But yesterday, I did lunges, squats, and three or four other exercises for the legs and butt... Let me tell you, I am now feeling the effects of it... Ouch... Not only are walking and sitting-down challenges... Try shaving my legs and reaching my toes to paint my nails... ouchie... Phil will no doubt not be pleased with my lack of flexibility tonight... I don't blame him... I feel like a beached whale!
Needless to say, I decided to skip the gym or any kind of exercise today... I think it would have done more damage than good.

Phil, if you are reading this... I WILL FIND OUT!!!

My trouble maker of a boyfriend claims that I can't hide anything from him on the net... computer geek!!!
I've been telling him about my online journal and I printed out my last entry and showed it to him... that was probably a tease...
But I have absolutely nothing to hide from him... should I make him read my entries???
Decisions, decisions...
I have lately discovered an indecisive side of me... I am an opinionated, stand-up kinda gal but gosh darn sometimes I have a hard time!  Sometimes I prefer not to make any decisions... why? because I believe in fate and i believe that things will work out... but I realised that indecision is a decision in itself (I decide not to make a decision)... follow me?  
I started realizing this alot in Europe... I could stand in the yogourt isle for prolonged periods of time oooing and aaaing, trying to pick the best... (There are millions of variety: low-fat, non-fat, bio, strawberry, mixed berries, vanilla... small container, larger container... must I go on?).  While a tiny choice like that could take me over ten minutes... Kim and I decided to go from Spain to Portugal instead of France in about 2.4 minutes... 
I always thought I was a very "black or white" kind of a person... I am slowly discovering a grey area...  When I strongly oppose something I say it! But when I am indifferent... it is nearly impossible for me to make a decision... i am torn...

Still itching to leave but having fun!

Yesturday, after the gym, Phil and I really felt like staying in... but it was his sisters going away party. She is leaving to China for a year with her boyfriend to teach.  Since I am trying to plan an escape plan with Phil, this just makes me so enviess.  I would love to do that!!! I would do anything just to pick up and leave but the more responsible side of me says to wait a little bit, save some money and then make plans...
So we ended up going out to Salon Daome on Mount Royal. It was a really chill place. Kim actually got Phil, Joe, and Alex on the dance floor!!! lol... this is the first time we all go out together!!! Had a blast!

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Hit with a wave of nostalgia

Just finished reading over some of the emails Phil wrote me while I was away. Brought back memories and feelings of sadness. Everyday he wrote to me, telling me he missed and loved me and that he would be waiting for me to get back. His words were full of passion and longing to be together. Being away from him for 2 months created such pain and suffering for the both of us... it brought tears to my eyes reading over his sweet words. He is great: all along he has been supportive, comforting, and loyal. I have never doubted his dedication and love for me. I put all my trust and faith in this relationship and its so perfect to see that all that effort in keeping our bond strong (miles apart) pays off. We can conquer everything. This seperation has just reinforced all my silly clichez's (whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger and if its meant to be it will be).
Before my trip, our mode of communication was strictly face to face, in person conversation. On the rare occasion would we talk on the phone for more than 10 minutes (probably happened two or three times at most). And we had never written to eachother. While i was away, obviously, this changed. We spoke at most once a week, some conversations were up to an hour. Our main way of communicating was by email. I would frantically search towns and villages for a computer. I took such comfort in his words (he is a great writter). His love letters were so encouraging and gave me the strength I needed. I knew he was there for me no matter what. Now that we are no longer apart, we see eachother everyday but when he is at work we continue writing to eachother... i love it... i have kept every single email from him... its nice to look over them even though they do provoke tears... have I mentioned I am overly sensitive???
Have you ever loved somebody so much it made you cry???

Itching to get out of here...

Spent a perfect weekend with Phil: we went back to Stowe for a couple of days... it was filled with romance, hiking, swimming, and good eats. it was nice to be on our own... got back last night and on the drive back i started analysing and dreaming of going away again... not like two months wasnt enough but this little vermont getaway was a teaser! i told phil about my sudden urgency to flee the country with him. the difference between the two of us is that he has more holding him down: a job, an apartment, and so on... and he says he is totally willing to leave everything behind. on the other hand, i am unemployed, living with my mother and i feel like i need to make a change! where is this coming from??? i fantasize about buying land somewhere, working abroad, or taking a road trip to mexico...
Let me introduce you to my obsessive personality: wether its obsessivly cleaning, working out or whatever... i tend to obsess over things... i guess traveling or making a move with phil is my new obsession... have i mentioned my obsession about phils ex??? he was with her for 6 years, lived with her and obviously still has some ties with her and they see eachother now and then... i have somewhat of a jealous character... i know i shouldnt be jealous of her but i find myself being curious about her... dont ask...
thats how i am feeling these days... itchy...

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Back to reality!??!!!

I am back! It has been exactly a week. I have been crazy busy with friends, family, laundry, contemplating finding a job, going back to the gym and especially... spending every waking hour with the boyfriend! i must say, its nice to be back... i still feel on vacation mode though... feels like i should be picking up and leading my nomadic life that i got acustomed to in europe...
i havnt posted a blog for well over two months... i wont even start writting about my trip... short description: spectacular, brilliant, exciting... the best experience ever... i missed the boyfriend like crazy though, but things are perfect with the two of us. it was good for us. i could tell my sis is not happy to be back, i think shes bored and maybe a little resentful that i am glad to be back and that i had someone waiting for me on my arrival. (she has recently broke up with her high school sweet heart of 6 years)...
anyhow... i am writting about nothing... its good to be back!