Friday, November 26, 2004

Poke poke

This morning, as Phil is leaving for work my exact words were "there is nothing sexier than planning to have sex". The anticipation, the naughty, perverted thoughts of eachother, the longing, the waiting... The not getting what you want when you want, the fantasizing... It's our anniversary and we've been feeling really horny these days...
As I left the gyno this afternoon (yes, the vagina doctor), my exact thoughts were "there is nothing less sexy than having some strange man poking at your breast and vagina"!!! Shiver... As I stare at the ceiling with my bra untied, my bare bum, my feet on those metal thingies, and my legs spread, I never know whether I should start giggling or start crying... Either one... I hold it back... Good thing that is only a once a year affair!
On the other hand... There just might be one thing less sexy than that gyno appointment... For him to weigh me!!! By comparing to last year, I gained a big, fat, ugly 11 pounds!!! That is just wrong! In one year, 11 pounds! No kidding I have no more clothes, my ass is to big to fit into any of it. I know, I know, such bad-talking myself is not constructive but yuck! This sucks... And all I wanted to do to console myself is go get chocolate or some ice-cream or a donut!!! Anything... But I didn't...
I could have a million excuses: a started the pill just over a year ago, I am eating "healthier", I am not going to the gym 6 days a week, I am not as obsessed about my weight... Could be millions of things but really... I need to gain control over this!