Tuesday, October 19, 2004

I'm a lover not a fighter...

I have my first midterm of the week today in advertising and after much studying, I felt quite positive about it so I went home to hang out with Phil. While he chatted with downstairs and Joe watched TV, I, frustrated, cooked dinner all by myself. If I would have known that Phil and I were not gonna spend time together, or if I would have known he was in a horrible mood, I would have stayed in the library and would have done some much-needed studying. Anyhow... At the end of the night we just kinda got in an argument and then I decided to go sleep on the couch cause I was so fuming that he would even entertain the thought of making me feel guilty about studying. So he said that he wanted the couch... and I said that it wasn't fair, that like always, I should be the one worrying in bed, incapable of sleeping while he' s watching TV and drinking beer (HOW TYPICAL OF BOYS!!!). grrr... Anyhow... I am getting way too mad thinking about it so I would go on any further cause I know, and he knows what was said... But it was the most hurtful shit... I hate it when he said stuff like that. He knows it seeps into my brain and fucks with my emotions. It's so hard to get it out of my brain. I'm still stuck on hurtful things he's said this summer... If you don't mean it don't say it... Sometimes I wonder if they're Freudian slips... In that case...
Anyhow... So although I felt confidant about this exam... The positiveness is quickly evaporating... After a lack of sleep on the couch, crying, and that unnecessary stress I am starting to panic...